Tainted Angels at 8:15 PM

Transparency alight on the wings of the night

We will play with thing called a human life,

Fueled always by their greed and their lust

Fighting and warring until all is dust.

Down we fly,

By our swords they die

Leaving them horrified and dismayed

The ages past in they're minds have greyed,

Of days long past were nothing could touch the angels

On their wings of alabaster white

Taking forth Gods' vengence in the dark of the night.

Until lucifer turned away and dragged the angels into the frey,

Now they are bound to the earth until the very last day,

Waiting upon their creators' final bid farwell

As they will forever burn in hell.

Am I alittle sick or alittle sane? at 7:30 PM

My life and family have never supported me about my dreams and at this point I don't care to tell them. My dream is to learn as much as I can about the world and about children. As far as things for myself I want a house in the countryside and I want to make a club for teens to hang out in.

It's been a dream to make and run a bar(minus the alcohol) for teens, somewhere that the local kids can come and hang out in, without having to worry about having strangers around them, most of all adults.
I also wanted to get local bands and even professional booking there so there is a good variety of music.

Basically it's something I never had in my teen years and I think it would be a good way to give to the teens of the next generation.

I don't have a business plan yet, but I'm working on it ^-^

but who knows? it's just a dream.

Bitterness at 2:33 PM

For the all shit that pulled on me every single day,

Just gives me another excuse to blow them away.

For all the hatred and all the pain,

they are the ones who are to blame.

For the noxious remarks and hateful disdain,

for the inadequacy and the stains,

for putrid lies and bitterness,

they will never succeed,

I will make the bleed......

for every last thing they did to me.

Field of paper flowers - a poem at 8:24 PM

For all the things i have done this day

I sit and write and just obey

for every pathetic word that falls from that mouth

for every time she screams and she shouts

I think to myself

why am I here?

what happend to all those things that used to be there?

what happend to the friends full of such love and such care?

what to has happend to her beautiful face?

the happy iridescence that filled this place.

Always alone on the edge of a cliff

for me it is not a curse, but a gift

A way to seperate myself from the world

where I can let my thoughts unwind and unfurl.

Where the all beauty far surpasses

anything that can be found awash in the world's masses

from the purple sun in its deep violet glare

to the summerset blossoms so white and so fair,

I found my happiness in a world unfair.

The Sacrilegious Scorn at 7:09 PM

The world of this day worries me in many ways especially christianity not because of it itself but how it is being presented. And the biggest eyesore is that of christians inability to step forward and speak to the people that need God the most. Have they really forgotten how powerful there enemy really is? do they realize how it is ever growing? or is it not "worthy" of their concern?

(What I say next is not meant to be personalized for each person, I'm speaking about something as a whole)

Right now I am very disgusted with christianity's arrogance and pride thinking they can just walk up to people and "witness" to them, while this may be true for individuals it is not true on a worldwide basis. For most people you have know something about what they themselves believe in before you can try open their eyes, because people in many cases don't want their eyes opened. Basically this is not a job for over zealous bible thumpers out to put a mark on their "spiritual" checklist or on their consciences. It is a job for people who are flexible, people oriented, adaptable and most of all respectful. I think one thing churches don't indoctrine their followers with is that the world has a mind of its on and can make up explanations to almost everything even as the world get "dummer" it is also getting "smarter".

A word of advice to christians most of all, you are not the only religion wanting converts there are THOUSANDS.

SSDD at 5:02 PM

Just another in another week in another year. As far as I know I work, I do schoolwork, and then I play. It makes me feel there's something better I could be doing with my life >.< and I also makes me wish my mind was more poetic and sensible but [to my great misfortune] its not.... I spend my days listening to music and daydreaming of something better, like walking under the Eiffel Tower or riding a gondola through venice...not sitting in a stinking house with people I less than get along with.

Yeah and what happens next is people will tell me to get off my ass and do something, sad point is I can't [yet] because the "job" market isn't really open...you can thank that to your lovely president and his war....I really don't care what the governments idea for it was but the sad part of it is, its costing me to be American. Yeah its a cool country, but when I have plenty of experiance and I'm a hard worker it still doesn't mean shit right now. Unless you've had a paying job before you apply you usually wont get hired.

Not so clear at 4:24 PM

I don't know what has happend to me, this deep hatred that has bred in me for so long still seems to be biding its time. I can never forgive mom and dad for what they did and I can let this all pass undefined, I will not be denied the love that I long for. I will never let my apathy get the better of me. I know my family can't understand me, After all I'm so far beyond their reach and control. They have blinded themselves to the truth and choose not to see the light. The death that has fallen before my eyes has forever torn me apart from the inside, nobody even can understand that pain yet they continue to think they can...No one ever will be able to even fathom my thoughts, what I love, what I care about. It is not theirs to know.

It is not I who should be apologizing but them who should be begging for forgiveness.

My life is mine, I live to make those I care about happy, therefore nothing I do is in vain. That said if I'm not trying to make the people around me happy I don't care about them. Nothing is stupid or childish for there is no such thing, in all reality we never really "grow up" we just choose not remember that happiness, the joy we found at such simple things like digging in the sand and running in the waves. I never forgot these things and so my love of children has never changed because at heart I have always been a child.

A song at 5:24 PM

"imprisoned, inside this mind

hiding behind the empty smiles

so simple isn't much made

crawling back into the dark

running, always running, into the
distance

stop me before I bleed, again

the echos of my voice follow me down

the shadows I cast

follow me down

deeper i'm falling into the arms of sorrow

blindly decending

into the arms of sorrow

there must be serenity

the echos of my voice

follow me down

the shadows I cast follow me down

deeper i'm falling into the arms of sorrow

blindly decending

into the arms of sorrow

the demons of my own design

this horror must not remain"

The Arms Of Sorrow - Killswitch Engage

Little things at 6:21 PM

I find it sad sometimes that I can't remember many happy times in my childhood I wish I could, Maybe I just forgot but it makes me wonder sometimes...what happend? what is so bad that my mind is blocking it out? I will never know. I try to embrace every day anew but sometimes its difficult when the past embodies itself in someone in your family, always troubling my mind and sometimes.....ruining my day.

I'm happy ^-^ but only because of two little girls that brighten my life, one is my siblings' child and the other is my fiancee.

My neice, always reminding me to find joy in the little things - no matter how silly.

My love, for giving my the support and the love that has kept me alive for almost 4 years. As they say "behind every great man there is a great and loving wife"

Friendship as I learned over the past several years is the only way to survive. I don't know what I can call a person who has no friend other than lonely. Without them life is empty.

Nothing feels more exciting than sharing something you love with another, making memories that last forever.

Jenna Renee S. at 12:26 PM

She's girl, he's boy,
To her he's just a toy.
She's always waiting always wanting love
But when she's gets it, she doesn't accept it
And soon she just up and forgets it.
She is as pale as the morning snow
Her thought's I will never know,
She's always there haunting me,
Telling me how things should be,
The guilt it's killing me,
Please please just kill me I hate this pain
For what I do now there is nothing to gain.
For days and days I sit without rest,
those images of you, of the knife in your chest.
These images of you they make me so lost and confused


So tell me jenna what should I do?


6/3/05