Subconsciously yours at 8:44 PM

Love and all it entail wrenching at our hearts so destined to fail.

This heart hurting to feel even the slightest bit of it.

Then she walked in front of me her hair flitting on the breeze

One word from her could have brought me to my knees

Walking there with her quiet little smile

leaving me breathless all the while.

Nothing in that moment mattered to me,

Just all the beauty I could see.

Something was missing she smiles but I only feel emptiness

Something was troubling her, it was in her eyes

She was staring at her shoes

Then she looked up and her eyes met mine

She looked away and then she sighed

Then I knew this something was a boy

Maybe she'd loved him but that had died

She's always there right front of me

But I always need what I don't want

and want what I can't have

And so must my love lay with who I love

and not with who I see.

Lost Control at 5:49 PM

I can't believe it's been a year

Since I kissed my fears

On the salty lips and said to them

I love you--Bye (Bye)

Give way to the weight that's dragging and pulling through me now

I've got something to say

About the last twelve months I've lived

I'm not the same kid

I was when I was younger

I just thought you should know

I take a pill every day

To help me deal with life

And oh my God

I'm lost, I'm told

I stare at accidents in a sick attempt to feel at home

Give way to the weight that's dragging and pulling through me now

I've got something to sayAbout the family that I've lostI hope my mother and father think that they raised a healthy boy

Who needs the help of a shrink

To even leave the house

And oh my god

I'm lost, I'm told

I stare at accidents in a sick attempt to feel at home

I'm not the same kid

I was when I was younger

I just thought you should know

I'm not the same kid

I was when I was younger

I just thought you

I just thought you should know

Give it away to the weight that's dragging and pulling through me now

And now, and now, it's finding it's way and making it's way to let go

I can't believe it's been a year

Since I kissed my fears

On the salty lips and said to them

I loved you

Just follow

The pain and swallow

Too hard to swallow them

Down your throat

Too hard to swallow (I have to swallow)

The pain follows (The pain, it follows) And this is what I feel

Down your throat

My best friend is a man

With a lab coat, entering

I hold my shaking hand

And it gives me medicine

I hope this makes me feel at home

But they slowly steal my soul

I tell him I still feel alone"Don't worry someday I promise you will feel at home"

Patron Saint of Lost Causes at 5:30 PM

For all those children who've had their dreams crushed by their own parents, I feel them.
We live in a society were the individual doesn't matter. We get ourselves mowed down by the world and many of us don't get back up.

I know my acts of revenge are almost invisible to the people who wronged me but it hurts them all the same. The guilt is gone, I need to live my life and not give a thought to what people really think of me. I learned through all the turmoil of late that I'm smart, beautiful, and intelligent. So even when people try as they may to tear me down it just flies past me like a miss aimed cannon shot. I still have no idea where my inner strength comes from, nor do I care. I care only that I'm happy and I living my own life.

Blood has marked my life for years and it still does, blood of fallen and dead friends. It is not a stain that I can ever destroy. They remind me how cruel the world is and how even my own family can be so empty and abased. People forever call me selfish but I put myself above all others unless I think I can help someone.

The song Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield pretty much sums up how I think. who are you to tell me what I am or what I want? you can't see what I see or hear what I hear. So before people start trying to walk over me about not having a vision....they're sorrily mistaken.
It's funny that given the right situation I could probably do some really amazing stuff.

Fore many years this picture states what I felt like but now I'm happy and ready to get on with my life.