I came to know a remarkable woman in my fall semester of 2010, For a time I had ignored her and I feel bad forever now for it. We became close, and eventually it blossomed into a healthy relationship. I made a few pitfalls, like one day I confused her with bad directions while we were headed to a convention, needless to say she was very upset, and again it pains me to the core that I did that to her. We awkwardly made our way through the year I made physical advance, like any man would, but she didn't seem extremely worried about them. I never am sure in these situations what to do, since I myself have limited experience, I found myself trying to do this simple things for her to ease her pain. She didn't let me.
I knew from shortly after the time I met her family that they did not have any respect for her or her desires for her future. I tried to support her in every way that I could. For the most part, the summer went well we seemed to be doing ok, a few odd occurrences where she had to help me.
We made it all the way into the Christmas season and things were becoming tense, though not because of me exactly, her whole family was coming to town. I knew it was very important to her, especially seeing her brother and sister. I seemed to be out of place, I did my best to be come and polite to everyone, including her. Sometime after that I came over one day to just drop a cookie I had made especially for her, it was really big and took an entire plate to carry. I figured it might cheer her up, unfortunately when I got there, the family had already made plans, I didn't want to intrude, but her father ended up asking me if I wanted to see a movie with the my then girlfriend, I of course in my right mind would never refuse the invitation to spend time with her. Her step brother asked me what movie would be a good choice, and I suggested a movie, but that wasn't to my girlfriends liking, and she brooded over it the rest of the day, I felt guilty for intruding yet again, and I told her I was sorry, and all she needed to do was tell me that she wanted to go with her family and that I should go home, I would have had no quarrel with it anyways. It felt like after that happened she started avoiding me based on assumptions she had made about me. It didn't really bother me at the time, but when something is going wrong in a relationship, silence is like ringing in the ears. I lashed out verbally about exactly how I felt about her parents treatment of her, and if she kept listening to them how she would grow up to be nothing more then a puppet. What I said must have struck a cord of truth because from then on she couldn't look me in the eyes. I told her "one day you'll regret it." and this was of course assumed as a threat on her life, by none other then her parents.
So now I sit waiting for the answers to a simple question, that may never come.
I am quickly losing faith in this world, its lackluster existence, everyone scratching about in their greed hollowing out anyone who might stand between them and avarice. Money is to much of on object, it binds even me with unfair circumstance.
All I want is to feel alive for this incredibly limited time I have on this earth.
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