Introversion at 4:25 PM

Life life life..................who lives it anymore? barely anybody really because everyone is trying to copy everyone else...its the stupidest most vicious cycle known to man. Individuality check people?????? What happened to being happy with yourself? and being proud of who you are? I would love to hear otherwise. Everyone is trying to fit in some label or get rid of one o_O and trends I mean come on! we just copying what came before us the retro stuff of the 60's, 70's and 80's is just being reapplied to a newer crowd. Are clothing is a great example none of it is really new its just variations on a patterns that may be even 20 years old, while America is unsteady about this subject you will notice that European cars have changed little since the the 50's slowly just building and adding on to what they already have, trust me this repetition gets old. I don't dress for a label atleast not anymore because the whole label criterion is a bunch of BS and it to quickly stereotyping people and never giving a chance at individuality. I can say that making up your own outfits out of different elements is fun and its awsome because its you! but even better when you actually make your own designs and create something because its like art nobody will make something like it(though they may try to copy it). So for all those lonely ones out there be happy with yourself stop depend on the world around you for approval think for yourself!

Shadowchild at 9:00 PM

Abuse.....how to define it?.......Guilt...where does it come from? It has always perplexed me what its like inside an abusive persons mind but then its something very simple, they think they control everything now mind its not just adults here I'm talking about kids too. It's in every layer of our culture and for many of us in our on homes.....hallways......bedrooms....the very fact is though that guilt and abuse often go hand in hand. This often happens with parents who didn't have good moral and physical boundaries as children and thus the really don't know anything better or even whats to far, its sad because some of them don't have a choice.

Worst of all is mental abuse because though it does not invade a person body it invades the mind, and in my observation the mind is the most fragile. I seen this in about 3 different cases one happens to be very close to me, what happens when someone is physically abused is much different then when the abuse is only targeted at the person's mind. A big factor in all of this is that it takes much longer to take over someones mind than there body. The end result being that the victim is completely helpless and even when they torn down they still come running back. Its hurts me some much to be in some of these situations because most of the time the victims don't even realize they are the victims, because it has gone on for so long that they can't ever remember thinking for themselves.

Lucky for some of us we grew up in families with heads on there bodies and treated us like normal growing children and adolescents. But the sad fact is for every child that grows in a healthy family there are 6 more children that grow up in an dangerous home.

for example in the US alone

• An estimated 906,000 children are victims of abuse & neglect every year. The rate of victimization is 12.3 children per 1,000 children

• Children ages 0-3 are the most likely to experience abuse. About 1 in 50 U.S. infants are victims of nonfatal child abuse or neglect in a year, according to the first national study of the problem in that age group done by the Centers of Disease Control and Prevention along with The Federal Administration for Children and Families.

• 1,500 children die every year from child abuse and neglect. That is just over 4 fatalities every day.

• 79% of the children killed are younger than 4.
  
  The consequences of this:
  

• 80% of young adults who had been abused met the diagnostic criteria for at least 1 psychiatric disorder at the age of 21 (including depression, anxiety, eating disorders, & post-traumatic stress disorder)

• Abused children are 25% more likely to experience teen pregnancy

• 1/3 of abused and neglected children will eventually victimize their own children
  
  So if anybody thinks that this doesn't mean anything that they should be shot. It needs to stop but at the rate of down fall in our world today there is nothing we can do but save as many as we can and hope for the best.
  

Highschool never ends at 5:10 PM

I know that this is pretty easy to figure out but hehe still it's true. It's funny we always revert back to what we learned as a child even though we don't realize it or want to acknowledge it. All me life people around especially family haven't changed in my 18 and a half years of minuscule existence they may have matures in the mannerisms but deep down they've never changed and sometimes I think about my life and realize that all things that I want are so simple...it surprises me, even more so that it is a stereotypical thing its called loving someone and having them return it back and I've been like that since I was a tiny child because for reason I never quite felt loved, I always felt distant like I was never part of what I was doing. I watch the people around me grow up and they're either chasing the same dreams or completely gave up on them. Is everyone that uncertain? are we really that weak? I don't know what's going in this world but people are giving away there hopes, dreams, and even their very lives. Cynical isn't the word I hopeless is more like it.....fit in or get out and its sad that this the slogan for almost the whole world from america to india the world sells it self on looks and beauty nothing more.

Antithesis at 10:17 AM

We all seem so monochromatic
So senseless and over dramatic
We never examine our world to see all its facets.
Hide behind these paper walls
We sacrifice ourselves just like a doll.
The very thing we create is the one thing we hate.
Giving our souls to a thought and a pose
Never quite realizing that it is ourselves were surmising
We have lost our souls and with them control.
What has happened to the days in fields of grass were we laid
Staring at the stars in their great cosmic fray
Of lost summers and bitter lovers.
We have forsaken these days of our lives
Trading them in for the fame and the lies
We have forsaken the beauty of our childhood and the freedom we once had.
We are no longer true to ourselves we have lost our hearts
Were stuck in some padded room wondering why we fell apart.
We no longer love ourselves and think for ourselves
We are no more than empty shells
In this world that has become our own personal living hell.
We have truly become the very thing we hate.

Demons at 6:20 PM

You and me, we're the same
Asking for more
More than the numbing existence
Offered us all
What did they say? What did they do?
To make you crawl back here
Despite everything that you've been through
You're still right here
Where I left you
We can lift up our heads to the sky
Find all of those strings that they're pulling
And keep from falling back
into our old rhythmic poses
Turning us into machines

And one of these days we'll no longer betray
Ourselves in anyway
We won't all look the same way down
And one of these days we'll no longer betray
Ourselves in anyway
Then we'll all take the same way out

And all these illusions
Dropped on a sea of believers
Crowding around as they hunt me down
And throw me out
While all the rest of the others
Bang their heads in the trenches

And one of these days we'll no longer betray
Ourselves in anyway
We won't all look the same way down
And one of these days we'll no longer betray
Ourselves in anyway
Then we'll all take the same way out
So don't give up on me
We can be still pretend
This is all just a game
That'll work itself out in the end

I Know at 2:16 PM

I always wonder why children these days are so shallow like a part of their brain is missing, The real eye opener lies just below the surface. We live in a world of mass consumerism, children of this place in time are constantly bombarded by media selling products and pushing trends but what we do see is how children take this in.
I know that I as an adult connect all the things going in the world around me like the wars and cultural shifts and political affairs while I know that as a child I saw thing more like a slide show seeing things as focused parts, separate, detached like seeing a fight but not know why its going on, where as now I see what happens and what starts thing and what the connections are.
Children right now are bombarded with an insistent barrage of commercials and media, in its own way the children are turning into puppets of what the watch and here because that is the lens they look at the world through. Girls are changed the most by this as even the most subtle things in the shows that we let them watch, take for example the classic fairytale story of the handsome Prince saving the beautiful princess and the fact that the princess is always beautiful not matter where the story is being told, in a subliminal way is programming into their heads that in order to be loved or noticed they must be beautiful or pretty and that is where the marketeers and media come so heavily into play, pushing the idea that you must wear this or buy this in order for them to be beautiful e.g. sexy. even though I do not have the complete ability to explain this in more detail it I wish to for it worries me deeply, how will I ever protect my children.......

Tell me when to breathe at 12:34 PM

Silence, in all human minds it doesn't exist we're always thinking

and always speaking to ourselves subconciously.

We talk to ourselves so we don't feel alone.

Who can really say, some of us are just alone in this world.

People just can't understand us.

I protect what I love but I feel lonely out here

in this sleeping town of lost children and distraught teenagers.

The only comfort I have is myself,

I don't know where my life is going but I don't care as long as I find happiness.

Subconsciously yours at 8:44 PM

Love and all it entail wrenching at our hearts so destined to fail.

This heart hurting to feel even the slightest bit of it.

Then she walked in front of me her hair flitting on the breeze

One word from her could have brought me to my knees

Walking there with her quiet little smile

leaving me breathless all the while.

Nothing in that moment mattered to me,

Just all the beauty I could see.

Something was missing she smiles but I only feel emptiness

Something was troubling her, it was in her eyes

She was staring at her shoes

Then she looked up and her eyes met mine

She looked away and then she sighed

Then I knew this something was a boy

Maybe she'd loved him but that had died

She's always there right front of me

But I always need what I don't want

and want what I can't have

And so must my love lay with who I love

and not with who I see.

Lost Control at 5:49 PM

I can't believe it's been a year

Since I kissed my fears

On the salty lips and said to them

I love you--Bye (Bye)

Give way to the weight that's dragging and pulling through me now

I've got something to say

About the last twelve months I've lived

I'm not the same kid

I was when I was younger

I just thought you should know

I take a pill every day

To help me deal with life

And oh my God

I'm lost, I'm told

I stare at accidents in a sick attempt to feel at home

Give way to the weight that's dragging and pulling through me now

I've got something to sayAbout the family that I've lostI hope my mother and father think that they raised a healthy boy

Who needs the help of a shrink

To even leave the house

And oh my god

I'm lost, I'm told

I stare at accidents in a sick attempt to feel at home

I'm not the same kid

I was when I was younger

I just thought you should know

I'm not the same kid

I was when I was younger

I just thought you

I just thought you should know

Give it away to the weight that's dragging and pulling through me now

And now, and now, it's finding it's way and making it's way to let go

I can't believe it's been a year

Since I kissed my fears

On the salty lips and said to them

I loved you

Just follow

The pain and swallow

Too hard to swallow them

Down your throat

Too hard to swallow (I have to swallow)

The pain follows (The pain, it follows) And this is what I feel

Down your throat

My best friend is a man

With a lab coat, entering

I hold my shaking hand

And it gives me medicine

I hope this makes me feel at home

But they slowly steal my soul

I tell him I still feel alone"Don't worry someday I promise you will feel at home"

Patron Saint of Lost Causes at 5:30 PM

For all those children who've had their dreams crushed by their own parents, I feel them.
We live in a society were the individual doesn't matter. We get ourselves mowed down by the world and many of us don't get back up.

I know my acts of revenge are almost invisible to the people who wronged me but it hurts them all the same. The guilt is gone, I need to live my life and not give a thought to what people really think of me. I learned through all the turmoil of late that I'm smart, beautiful, and intelligent. So even when people try as they may to tear me down it just flies past me like a miss aimed cannon shot. I still have no idea where my inner strength comes from, nor do I care. I care only that I'm happy and I living my own life.

Blood has marked my life for years and it still does, blood of fallen and dead friends. It is not a stain that I can ever destroy. They remind me how cruel the world is and how even my own family can be so empty and abased. People forever call me selfish but I put myself above all others unless I think I can help someone.

The song Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield pretty much sums up how I think. who are you to tell me what I am or what I want? you can't see what I see or hear what I hear. So before people start trying to walk over me about not having a vision....they're sorrily mistaken.
It's funny that given the right situation I could probably do some really amazing stuff.

Fore many years this picture states what I felt like but now I'm happy and ready to get on with my life.