Tell me when to breathe at 12:34 PM

Silence, in all human minds it doesn't exist we're always thinking

and always speaking to ourselves subconciously.

We talk to ourselves so we don't feel alone.

Who can really say, some of us are just alone in this world.

People just can't understand us.

I protect what I love but I feel lonely out here

in this sleeping town of lost children and distraught teenagers.

The only comfort I have is myself,

I don't know where my life is going but I don't care as long as I find happiness.

Subconsciously yours at 8:44 PM

Love and all it entail wrenching at our hearts so destined to fail.

This heart hurting to feel even the slightest bit of it.

Then she walked in front of me her hair flitting on the breeze

One word from her could have brought me to my knees

Walking there with her quiet little smile

leaving me breathless all the while.

Nothing in that moment mattered to me,

Just all the beauty I could see.

Something was missing she smiles but I only feel emptiness

Something was troubling her, it was in her eyes

She was staring at her shoes

Then she looked up and her eyes met mine

She looked away and then she sighed

Then I knew this something was a boy

Maybe she'd loved him but that had died

She's always there right front of me

But I always need what I don't want

and want what I can't have

And so must my love lay with who I love

and not with who I see.

Lost Control at 5:49 PM

I can't believe it's been a year

Since I kissed my fears

On the salty lips and said to them

I love you--Bye (Bye)

Give way to the weight that's dragging and pulling through me now

I've got something to say

About the last twelve months I've lived

I'm not the same kid

I was when I was younger

I just thought you should know

I take a pill every day

To help me deal with life

And oh my God

I'm lost, I'm told

I stare at accidents in a sick attempt to feel at home

Give way to the weight that's dragging and pulling through me now

I've got something to sayAbout the family that I've lostI hope my mother and father think that they raised a healthy boy

Who needs the help of a shrink

To even leave the house

And oh my god

I'm lost, I'm told

I stare at accidents in a sick attempt to feel at home

I'm not the same kid

I was when I was younger

I just thought you should know

I'm not the same kid

I was when I was younger

I just thought you

I just thought you should know

Give it away to the weight that's dragging and pulling through me now

And now, and now, it's finding it's way and making it's way to let go

I can't believe it's been a year

Since I kissed my fears

On the salty lips and said to them

I loved you

Just follow

The pain and swallow

Too hard to swallow them

Down your throat

Too hard to swallow (I have to swallow)

The pain follows (The pain, it follows) And this is what I feel

Down your throat

My best friend is a man

With a lab coat, entering

I hold my shaking hand

And it gives me medicine

I hope this makes me feel at home

But they slowly steal my soul

I tell him I still feel alone"Don't worry someday I promise you will feel at home"

Patron Saint of Lost Causes at 5:30 PM

For all those children who've had their dreams crushed by their own parents, I feel them.
We live in a society were the individual doesn't matter. We get ourselves mowed down by the world and many of us don't get back up.

I know my acts of revenge are almost invisible to the people who wronged me but it hurts them all the same. The guilt is gone, I need to live my life and not give a thought to what people really think of me. I learned through all the turmoil of late that I'm smart, beautiful, and intelligent. So even when people try as they may to tear me down it just flies past me like a miss aimed cannon shot. I still have no idea where my inner strength comes from, nor do I care. I care only that I'm happy and I living my own life.

Blood has marked my life for years and it still does, blood of fallen and dead friends. It is not a stain that I can ever destroy. They remind me how cruel the world is and how even my own family can be so empty and abased. People forever call me selfish but I put myself above all others unless I think I can help someone.

The song Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield pretty much sums up how I think. who are you to tell me what I am or what I want? you can't see what I see or hear what I hear. So before people start trying to walk over me about not having a vision....they're sorrily mistaken.
It's funny that given the right situation I could probably do some really amazing stuff.

Fore many years this picture states what I felt like but now I'm happy and ready to get on with my life.

Tainted Angels at 8:15 PM

Transparency alight on the wings of the night

We will play with thing called a human life,

Fueled always by their greed and their lust

Fighting and warring until all is dust.

Down we fly,

By our swords they die

Leaving them horrified and dismayed

The ages past in they're minds have greyed,

Of days long past were nothing could touch the angels

On their wings of alabaster white

Taking forth Gods' vengence in the dark of the night.

Until lucifer turned away and dragged the angels into the frey,

Now they are bound to the earth until the very last day,

Waiting upon their creators' final bid farwell

As they will forever burn in hell.

Am I alittle sick or alittle sane? at 7:30 PM

My life and family have never supported me about my dreams and at this point I don't care to tell them. My dream is to learn as much as I can about the world and about children. As far as things for myself I want a house in the countryside and I want to make a club for teens to hang out in.

It's been a dream to make and run a bar(minus the alcohol) for teens, somewhere that the local kids can come and hang out in, without having to worry about having strangers around them, most of all adults.
I also wanted to get local bands and even professional booking there so there is a good variety of music.

Basically it's something I never had in my teen years and I think it would be a good way to give to the teens of the next generation.

I don't have a business plan yet, but I'm working on it ^-^

but who knows? it's just a dream.

Bitterness at 2:33 PM

For the all shit that pulled on me every single day,

Just gives me another excuse to blow them away.

For all the hatred and all the pain,

they are the ones who are to blame.

For the noxious remarks and hateful disdain,

for the inadequacy and the stains,

for putrid lies and bitterness,

they will never succeed,

I will make the bleed......

for every last thing they did to me.

Field of paper flowers - a poem at 8:24 PM

For all the things i have done this day

I sit and write and just obey

for every pathetic word that falls from that mouth

for every time she screams and she shouts

I think to myself

why am I here?

what happend to all those things that used to be there?

what happend to the friends full of such love and such care?

what to has happend to her beautiful face?

the happy iridescence that filled this place.

Always alone on the edge of a cliff

for me it is not a curse, but a gift

A way to seperate myself from the world

where I can let my thoughts unwind and unfurl.

Where the all beauty far surpasses

anything that can be found awash in the world's masses

from the purple sun in its deep violet glare

to the summerset blossoms so white and so fair,

I found my happiness in a world unfair.

The Sacrilegious Scorn at 7:09 PM

The world of this day worries me in many ways especially christianity not because of it itself but how it is being presented. And the biggest eyesore is that of christians inability to step forward and speak to the people that need God the most. Have they really forgotten how powerful there enemy really is? do they realize how it is ever growing? or is it not "worthy" of their concern?

(What I say next is not meant to be personalized for each person, I'm speaking about something as a whole)

Right now I am very disgusted with christianity's arrogance and pride thinking they can just walk up to people and "witness" to them, while this may be true for individuals it is not true on a worldwide basis. For most people you have know something about what they themselves believe in before you can try open their eyes, because people in many cases don't want their eyes opened. Basically this is not a job for over zealous bible thumpers out to put a mark on their "spiritual" checklist or on their consciences. It is a job for people who are flexible, people oriented, adaptable and most of all respectful. I think one thing churches don't indoctrine their followers with is that the world has a mind of its on and can make up explanations to almost everything even as the world get "dummer" it is also getting "smarter".

A word of advice to christians most of all, you are not the only religion wanting converts there are THOUSANDS.

SSDD at 5:02 PM

Just another in another week in another year. As far as I know I work, I do schoolwork, and then I play. It makes me feel there's something better I could be doing with my life >.< and I also makes me wish my mind was more poetic and sensible but [to my great misfortune] its not.... I spend my days listening to music and daydreaming of something better, like walking under the Eiffel Tower or riding a gondola through venice...not sitting in a stinking house with people I less than get along with.

Yeah and what happens next is people will tell me to get off my ass and do something, sad point is I can't [yet] because the "job" market isn't really open...you can thank that to your lovely president and his war....I really don't care what the governments idea for it was but the sad part of it is, its costing me to be American. Yeah its a cool country, but when I have plenty of experiance and I'm a hard worker it still doesn't mean shit right now. Unless you've had a paying job before you apply you usually wont get hired.